Memories
by The Black Rose16
Summary: It's christmas time and Brian reflects on his life. post 5.13


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Sprawled on a couch, with Christmas tree lights twinkling behind him and carols playing softly in the background, Brian Kinney sat and wondered how in the hell he had ever wound up where he was. If someone had told him six years ago that he had just spent the day with the entire family celebrating Christmas, in his home and actually enjoying it, he would have laughed in their face and told them to fuck off.

Downing a gulp of champagne that was still in his hand from earlier, Thought back to how everything had changed. It was the night Gus had been born. The night he had met Justin.

_Coming out of Babylon to meet up with the guys, Brian glanced down the street and stopped. Smoke was whisping across the street. Standing under a lamppost was a gorgeous blond that Brian had never seen before. Brian was walking to the blond before he even thought about it. _

"_How's it going? Had a busy night?"_

"_Just..ah.. Checking out the bars, you know. Boi-Toi… Meathook" Brian's eyebrow raised at that._

"_Meathook? Really. So you're into leather?" Brian asked while trying not to laugh. The kid was so nervous but excited._

"_Sure"_

"_Where you headed?"_

"_No place special"_

"_I can change that"_

Fuck. If he had known what was waiting for him outside, Brian would never have set foot outside Babylon. Hindsight is a fucking bitch. Then again it's a good thing he hadn't known. Since that night, he had experienced more love and joy than he had thought possible. Not that Brian would ever day that out loud to anyone. Ok, maybe to Justin but that was it. However, Brian had also experienced more pain and fear than he had thought possible.

_Stumbling into the garage like a pair of drunken fools, Justin and Brian made their way to the jeep._

"_Don't forget whose taking you home and in whose arms you're gonna be"_

_Laughing and dancing around they came to a stop at Brian's jeep._

"_Did you see their faces?"_

_Yeah, We gave them a prom they'll never forget"_

"_Me neither"_

_Brian took the white scarf from around his neck off and put it on Justin._

"_It was the best night of my life"_

_Brian manoeuvred Justin until Justin was leaning against the Jeep._

"_Even if it was ridiculously romantic"_

_Staring into each others eyes, Brian leaned towards Justin slowly. They shared tender kisses. Switching places with Justin to get into the jeep, Brian smiled at the blonde._

"_Later"_

_Justin laughed, making Brian even happier._

"_Later"_

_Brian turned and climbed into the jeep while Justin turned and walked away reliving the amazing dance that they had shared. Brian sat and watched Justin in his mirror and saw someone coming up behind Justin with a baseball bat in his hand. Scrambling out the jeep as fast a s possible, Brian was desperate to reach Justin._

"_JUSTIN"_

_KABANG_

_THUD_

_Brian ran and shoved Chris, chased him and then hit him on the knees with the discarded baseball bat. Running back to Justin, Brian fell to his knees. All he could see was blood everywhere. Leaning forward Brian touched his forehead to Justin's while chanting._

"_No, no, no, no"_

"_GOD"_

_Holding Justin, Brian could only squeeze him tighter while desperately continuing to chant._

"_No, no"_

_The sight of all that blood haunting him even when he closed his eyes._

Christ. Just thinking about it still sent Brian into a panic. He had almost lost Justin forever with no chance of getting him back. Now he was beginning to sound like a lesbian and it was all Justin's fault. Him and that sunshine smile of his. Brian was grateful to Justin though. Because of him, he was a halfway decent father to Gus. At least he was nothing like his bastard of a father or warden, saint like mother. Compared to them, Brian would win the parent of the century award. Glancing around the room, Brian's eyes landed on a red fire engine that belonged to Gus. He and Justin had gotten it for Gus about a year ago. After he had had cancer and before Justin went to Hollywood to become a stahh!! The twat.

_Brian never left Justin to shop alone. The boy always clipped those damn coupons and went for the cheap stuff. Mental note to self, break Justin's coupon clipping and no name brand shopping habit. The thought went through Brian's head ten seconds before the blonde came back carrying a rather large box. Upon seeing it, Brian's eyebrow raised and he looked at Justin with his trademark tongue-in-cheek smirk._

"_Sunshine, I know you're young and I said that youth should be savoured but what the fuck are you doing with a toy for a four year old?"_

_Justin just smiled, full of mischief._

"_Well, I was going to get it for your four year old son, Bri. You didn't honestly think I was getting it for any other reason did you?"_

_Justin's eye suddenly got an evil glint._

"_Are you starting to feel you age, old man?" he asked before turning and running while laughing, Brian's curses muttered behind him as he gave chase._

Little shit. Brian knew Justin just did it to get a rise out of him and not the one that Brian would prefer. Brian was now comfortable with growing old. He no longer planned to go out in a blaze of glory like James Dean but then again he also had no plan of being an old queen on Palm Beach with Michael. Brian allowed a little sigh to escape. Eyed drifting to the nearly empty champagne glass in his hand, he swirled the last little bit of bubbly around before finishing it. His eyes then fell to an article in the magazine lying on the coffee table in front of him. The article praised a certain blonde artist on his latest artwork that had been shown in New York recently. It appeared that little sunshine had become a success not that Brian had had any doubts. Gazing at the article, Brian's thoughts drifted to another time and another article that had had a major impact on things.

"_Mr Taylor's large-scale canvas combines the high impulsiveness…"_

_Justin glanced up at Brian who was sprawled on the couch from his position on the floor._

"_My that's a mouthful '…of Pollack plus the analytical painterliness'…"_

_Brian looked up at Justin_

"_He likes big words '…of Johns. But what makes his talent unique is a quality that hasn't been seen in a long time.'…"_

_Brian looked up once again at Justin sitting on the floor surrounded by magazines, lists and seating plans for the wedding. When Justin looked up Brian stated._

"_Sex Appeal"_

_Justin laughed_

"_New York is waiting to be conquered." Brian finished the article._

"_That's some review, Mr Taylor"_

_Justin once again glanced up at he brunet._

"_I don't even know why Lindsay showed you that."_

"_Because you didn't"_

"_Just because some art fairy who probably admired my ass more than my work decided to write a fawning review doesn't mean I should pack my bags and grab the next Greyhound."_

"_He could have admired your ass without writing a fawning review. And you have never been on a Greyhound in your life."_

_Justin put the magazine that was in his hand on the floor._

"_No. But I have been to Hollywood."_

_He walked on his knees towards Brian._

"_They gushed too, remember? Made a bunch of bullshit promises. What makes you think New York could be any different?"_

_Reaching Brian they stared at each other._

"_The only one who has never broke a promise is you."_

_With that said Justin slid his hand to cup the back of Brian's head and leaned forward to kiss him._

Of course Brian being Brian, he decided that Justin couldn't know what he was talking about and immediately went off the deep in to once again push Justin off Mt. Kinney. A fall that Justin was unfortunately intimately acquainted with. Brian had never realised how much he could miss Justin until the little shit had packed his cursed duffel bag and left. Permanently. Brian hadn't lied. He did love Justin but the blonde would be better off without him. So he had pushed Justin off that last final part of Mt. Kinney. And oh how he regretted it. The stud of Liberty Avenue, Mr I-don't-do-regrets-or-apologies had many regrets. Mainly all in relation to Justin and then some in relation to Gus. Tilting his head back to rest on the couch, Brian did something really out of character. He momentarily wallowed in regret and maybe just a touch of self-pity. But just momentarily and just a touch. Brian was so lost in thought it took him a while to realise someone was watching him. Opening his eyes, Brian peered at the doorway. There, standing with his arms folded across his chest leaning with one hip against the doorframe, was Justin.

"Hey. Are you coming to bed anytime soon? It's cold and you know I can't sleep without you," Justin's voice came out soft, deep, full of love.

Pushing off from the doorframe, he made his way over to Brian. Without a word, Brian held out his arm and Justin climbed onto the couch, slipping under Brian's arm.

"What are you doing sitting here anyway"

"Just thinking, Sunshine."

"Uh oh. That doesn't sound good"

Brian lightly swatted the shoulder where his hand had been rubbing circle without even being aware of it.

"I'm going to ignore that last statement. As I was saying, I was thinking that despite everything we have still managed to come back to each other and now we are finally together for good."

Justin smiled but didn't respond. They were both lost in their thoughts of their very rocky history.

"Do you remember the night I came home? I don't think I'm ever going to forget it or the look on your face when you realised you weren't hallucinating or drunk and what it meant"

"Ha ha. No, I don't think either of us are ever going to forget that night."

_Brian was lying on the floor of the loft smoking another joint and then taking another sip of JB. He had lost count of the number that he had had. It was all kind of hazy. Justin had been gone for a week and Brian hadn't been sober since the morning that he had woken up in bed all alone._

_Hearing the scraping of the loft door being opened, Brian didn't bother looking up. It was probably Mickey coming to once again check up on him. Not hearing Michael immediately start in on him, he looked up and froze. Brian put the joint down and rubbed his eyes positive that he was seeing things._

_Looking up again he just lay on the floor staring._

_There, having just walked in the door, was Justin. While Brian had been rubbing his eyes Justin had closed and locked the door. To Brian, Justin looked like an angel and he couldn't get enough of him. After look him up and down a couple of times, Brian noticed that duffel bag sitting at Justin's feet._

"_Hey, Brian" Justin's voice came out hesitantly_

"_Sunshine, you really here?"_

"_Yes, I'm here. I went on a little holiday and now I'm back home where I belong."_

"_Well Sunshine, you can't come home every week. You need to be off showing the world your—Wait what? What do you mean that you were just on a holiday? That you're home to stay?"_

"_Brian, I never had any plans on actually going to live in New York. I just went up there for the week to meet my agent. She agreed to take me when I explained I would be living in Pittsburgh. She said that that was the deciding fact. That I was showing maturity and that it was a good idea to stay near my inspiration. You should now by now that all my best work has been and will continue to be inspired by you."_

_Justin walked over to Brian and sat down next to him. Brian turned slightly and put his head in Justin's lap. He knew what he had to do and just wanted to savour the closeness with Justin one last time. Justin's fingers automatically started combing through Brian's hair. _

"_Sunshine you have to go back. You…"_

"_Don't even start Brian. You have always told me to go after what I want. To be the best homosexual I could possibly be. I know what I want. Are you listening to me Brian? I am only going to say this once. I am not going to New York. I am moving back in with you for the last time. I will further my career from right here in Pittsburgh. We love each other and I'm going to be with you no matter what anyone else says or thinks."_

"_You really mean it, don't you?"_

"_Yes, I do. Not so long ago I was asking you the same question."_

_Justin leaned forward and kissed Brian. Once their lips touched everything else ceased to exist._

"Do you remember the next morning as well?"

"How could I not Brian? You just lay there and looked at me, turned to your draws and pulled out our rings, handing them to me without saying a word"

"Your hand was shaking when you put the ring on my finger for the first time."

"So was yours. The gang's faces when they saw us together was priceless too especially when they saw the rings."

"I never thought that I would say this but I'm glad we went to Vermont two weeks later along with Mother Taylor, Tucker and Molly to get married."

"Me too. Doing a whole big wedding would have been a disaster. The family means well most of the time but they did tend to cause problems for us."

"No big regrets of not being walked down the isle, Sunshine?"

"Not one. I'm perfectly happy with the way things are now. Take me to bed and I'll show you how my appreciation of your patience with everyone earlier tonight."

"Sounds like a plan, husband mine."

Brian picked Justin up and carried him up the stairs to their massive bedroom. In the darkness, two voices whispered.

"I love you. Merry Christmas"

"I love you too, Justin. Merry Christmas. I love you too"

It was the beginning of the end of many more wonderful Christmases to come for many years.

THE END


End file.
